he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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