you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
