So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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