is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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