WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
