I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
