I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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