You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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