can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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