dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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