the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
