i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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