I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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