Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
PANTIES FOUND
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