There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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