she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
