My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
