that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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