I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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