I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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