11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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