She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i have two assholes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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