Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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