names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
