apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
