Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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