Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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