I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We got so high we made milksteak
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
