her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
