My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
