so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
