Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
