I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
