If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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