i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Come on in and take your pants off
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