I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
