the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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