my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
