YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
