i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
