I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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