after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
