She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I supernannyed him into submission
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
