you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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