so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
