Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
