I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
