I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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