I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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