How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
