I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
