if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
